The subject of the “dark night of the soul” is not an easy one to approach.
Psychological disorders are the result of mental and/or emotional malfunctions; as such, they can be understood and treated. The dark night of the soul is not a psychological disorder; it is a state of consciousness that results from the collapse of the psychological structures defining the “sense of I” in an individual.
The concept of the dissolution of the ego is not new; it has long been regarded as a sine qua non condition for spiritual awakening to happen. In that regard, many spiritual traditions see the dissolution of the ego as a positive sign that the student is walking the path in the right direction.
Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.
The quote above, attributed to the Christ, helps us understand the potential causes that lead an individual to experience the dark night of the soul. The Christ indicates that the “vibration” of our earthly personality must be raised before we can receive a new influx of life and consciousness. The old you must die for the new You to live.
He also warns that the wineskins can be ruined. It is said that “God is a devouring fire”, and if you foolishly try to approach its radiance too early, it may burn your wings. There are many troubling accounts of premature Kundalini awakenings in individuals who were not ready to deal with the energies it unleashes. It is important to understand that, beyond words, we are dealing with energy; everything is energy and consciousness. That energy can be controlled or untamed; it can move in harmony or cause destruction.
Our “sense of I”, the way we see ourselves, is a focal point, a contraction of Presence that came into existence through what we were told by our parents, teachers, and immediate environment, and finally through our cultural heritage. We are what we think we are, and the key to the great mystery of awakening lies in a deep understanding of that single concept.
There comes a point, in the evolution of a human being, when nothing seems to make sense or hold any attraction anymore. The fruits of life have been tasted. The gradients of love and hate have been assimilated. The world is seen as a senseless and agitated arena, and the individual intuitively feels that there must be more to life.
Eventually, the individual embarks on a spiritual path and adheres (or not) to an existing spiritual strategy. It can take a long time to arrive at the realization that the “sense of I” is just a made-up blob of energy floating in Presence, and that one’s physical, emotional, and mental substance is only an impermanent manifestation of Presence. When this happens, a sudden collapse of the psychological structure may precipitate the now-dying ego into the dark night of the soul.
Notice that I said the dying ego “might” experience the dark night of the soul. I do think that individuals with personal spiritual strategies, walking the path alone (not guided by an already awakened being), are more likely to find the dissolution of their identity difficult and frightening.
What does it feel like to be in the dark night of the soul? That is a very subjective question, because every individual will describe that state of consciousness using different terms, and as I said, it is a very intimate experience that is not easy to put into words. We don’t realize that our sense of identity is a protective energetic shield; when that shield breaks, what it was protecting is exposed, in direct contact with the forces that emanate from all directions on a daily basis. In the dark night of the soul, you can become the witness of your own life for some time; in that regard, it is a form of derealization or depersonalization. It can also take the form of a total lack of drive or desire to accomplish anything, and a wish to be alone. Many will need to spend a great deal of time in Nature, in a contemplative state. Some will even end up on a psychiatrist’s couch, which, as you can imagine, is far from an inspired solution.
Above all, the dark night of the soul is an initiation, a test of strength for the heart and the will. Will you be able to stand in total emptiness and darkness, surrounded by your doubts? Will you be able to face the monsters you created and embrace them through the power of Love and the acceptance of What IS?
If you are reading this and think you are going through the dark night of the soul, remember that you are essentially an eternal flame of Presence, and that you have the power to bring light to any corner of the known and unknown, visible and invisible universe. You are a powerful light carrier; walk the darker parts of the path with confidence. You hold a scepter of power in your right hand and a lantern in your left hand; you open the path for the rest of humanity.
Finally, from the bottom of the pit, laugh triumphantly, because you are an eternal and indestructible flame of Presence.
Calwen